Really!!

I just went to visit my grandma at her retirement home and one of the other residents asked if I was a new resident ..WTF?!?! How old do I look??? That old woman better have had some serious cataracts!!!

DR

My Dr just told me the arthritis in my jacked up foot is flaring up because I'm eating too many vegetables .. Really!! So basically the fatty can't eat vegetables .. Seriously!! Well played God.. Well played!

sigh

Just visited my mostly blind 98 yr old grandma that said "ladies in their 40s have to wear their hair up.. When are you going to start"..I said "I'm pretty sure no one has thought that way in 60 years".. She replies " well you look haggard!" Umm thanks grandma .. And also who does she think she is calling a lady?

Gee thanks

I took my nephew to the arcade last weekend and made him go in the ladies room with me so he wouldn't get lost.. I was in the stall of a packed bathroom for all of two seconds when he yells "auntie are u pooping .. Hurry up".. Umm thanks kid

Bra Shopping

I somehow got stuck with the dreadful task of taking my 98 yr old grandma bra shopping. While we were at the store she informs me she wants something in a push-up.... uhhhh.
"Look old woman.. I don't think they make push up bras in 34 long!! What do you need a push up for anyway? .. Your casket?" Grandma " well you always have to be prepared to for anything" .. uggggg

Christmas tree

I just bought my fresh Christmas tree and as I was leaving the clearl said have a Merry Christmas.. I said oh thanks but I'm Jewish .. I don't think she realized I was joking.. Ins sure she will be trying to figure that one out for awhile

Childhood memory of Tiger great Norm Cash. He used to live down the street from us too.. he came stumbling down the street drunk one day and came into our garage where my dad was working on a project... he said to my dad "mind if I hang out here? Im hiding from the wife. Got a beer?" awesome